The Box Office Biznuts

I was looking at the Box Office top 10 for last weekend. I wasn't too surprised by what I observed. Part of being cynical is accepting the bad with the worse. The only light I see at the end of this colon is that the summer movie season is nearly over. Here are the results:

1. Rush Hour 3
2. The Bourne Ultimatum
3. The Simpsons Movie
4. Stardust
5. Underdog
6. Hairspray
7. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
8. Harry Potter 5
9. No Reservations
10. Transformers

Can you guess what I'm upset about? All of these movies are rated PG-13 or PG. Where are my R-rated movies? I want some movies that can say the fuckword and actually show blood when people get shot and killed. I want some movies that aren’t scared to show Ashley’s Judds or Kevin’s Bacon. I want some movies where my peer-group can sit and enjoy a film without being interrupted by the bright-blue beacons of our nation’s demise.

Fact: Of the top 100 grossing films of all time, only 10 are R-rated (source = imdb).
Inference: If Hollywood wants to produce movies that make money, they want movies that are not rated R.

I don’t want to have to wait for DVD to get the R-rated version of Die Hard 4. That’s the version I wanted to see in the theatre, not some watered-down PG-13 marketing tool. Die Hard 1, 2, and 3 were all rated R. Who demanded a PG-13 Die Hard movie? A few years ago, the movie-going public was treated to the execrable Alien vs. Predator. All four Alien movies are rated R. The two Predator movies are both rated R. This unwarranted sequel gets a PG-13. Why?

The summer movie marketing strategy is to entice teens to the theatre so they can buy Axe Body Spray and Coca-Cola and make-out and text their friends on their cell phones while not watching the shitty movies that Hollywood thinks they want to see. I think Hollywood's goal is to make all theatrical releases PG-13. It has been trending that way for years. Most parents don't care about the age-13 admonition. I see kids younger than 13 in these movies all the time. It's okay for junior to see someone get shot just as long as no blood is shown. That way, when he grows up, he'll know that it's okay to shoot people because they don't really bleed. It's okay for kids to watch John Tucker try to have sex with every girl in his high school before he graduates. It's good for your daughter's self-esteem. At least when I go to an R-rated movie, I know what I'm getting. No, I'm not advocating taking your children to R-rated movies. I just don't think the PG-13 dumping ground is a better solution. The ratings system needs to be revamped and the consumers need to demand a better product. But, all is in vain. America has spoken. America wants more Chuck and Larry.

Side Note: I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry just broke $100 million. How the fuck did that happen? Who actually saw that movie? Please don’t admit it if you did (just tell me if you like NASCAR…I’ll figure out the rest). Rush Hour 3 opened to $50 million. Didn’t we already see this movie twice?!? When does Shanghai Whatever come out? I can’t wait for that one. I hope it’s rated R so I can see Owen’s Wilson.