Transformers

I told my friends and family that I wouldn’t see the Transformers movie. I lied. Here is my excuse for going back on my word. I wanted to kill some time after an appointment to avoid rush hour traffic. I went to the nearby theatre, hoping to see Sunshine. It wasn’t playing on any of the 24 screens. I didn’t watch Superbad or The Invasion because I already promised my brother and parents that I’d see those movies with them. That left me with an excruciating decision to make: Transformers or Bratz. I chose the mechanical robots over the human ones.

Since this movie has already been reviewed by many others, I’m just going to list some of my observations:

Product Placement

1. GM cars
2. Nokia cell phones
3. Mountain Dew
4. Panasonic
5. Xbox 360

I like the beater late-70’s Camaro better than the new one. The big rims on the new model look ridiculous.

My favorite action sequence is the scene in the desert when the A-10 Warthogs trash that burrowing robot.

Megatron has crooked, sharp teeth.

Optimus Prime is gay.

We are a young species compared to the transformers.

Michael Bay narcissistically references his own movie, Armageddon, in this film.

The F-22 Raptors are awesome. I love movies with jets, especially Stealth. These jets are a lot faster than the F-16’s from Iron Eagle.

Shia Labeouf is annoying. Bernie Mac is not funny. Megan Fox is hot, especially in the gratuitous checking-the-car-engine scene (see above).

How does Michael Bay get actors like John Turturro and Steve Buscemi to participate in his films (it must have something to do with $$, hot chicks, and cocaine)?

This is Michael Bay’s third least worse movie, after The Island and The Rock.

This would have been my favorite movie if it was made when I was ten years old.

The song that plays over the closing credits is terrible. I hope no one buys that CD.